Cooter pains

This Wednesday I was consistently plagued with what we call “cooter pains.”  This is the out-of-nowhere, sudden stabbing pain that shoots through your cervix, down your vagina and often all the way down your leg.  Much like an electrical shock.  It feels like the baby has just kicked his foot right down your vagina and then is inside, cackling maniacally.  Since most babies are head down at this point, they can’t possibly be kicking you in the cervix.  It’s more like they’ve got a long pirate sword and are repeatedly stabbing you at the most opportune moments.  Like when you’re standing in line at the grocery store.  Next time you see a pregnant woman suddenly double over in pain, say to her: “Oh man, stabbing sensations in the cervix and vagina, eh?  Poor thing.”  She will be amazed with your experience and knowledge. 

Anyway, I am convinced that these pains can be attributed to the first signs of dilation.  As much as I love to think about the cervix opening slowly and gently like a blooming rosebud, it just isn’t true.  It’s a good mind trick, because really, you don’t want to be imagining that pirate sword when you’re trying to relax and “open, open open.”

Wednesday night (Thursday morning?) around midnight, I woke up to intense menstrual like cramping, followed with sporadic contractions that were anywhere from 2-12 minutes apart.  At this point, I’m not stupid.  Any contractions that don’t come in regular intervals don’t get me excited whatsoever.  I tried to doze between contractions, but that damn intermittent cramping had me rolling up in the fetal position, which made things even worse.  I finally got out of bed and I was up.  FOR THE NIGHT.  Auugh!  That crap lasted well into the morning when it finally subsided and I crashed out on the couch while Rylan watched cartoons for a large majority of the day. 

I’ve now had a good night’s sleep and am ready to face another day of random pain that appears to have no purpose whatsoever.  I’ve woken up to more mucus plug, which is always a joyous occasion and apparently not embarassing to me at all, since I share this information freely with anyone who asks me how I’m doing. 

More exciting information to follow about my fascinating bodily functions.  Is anyone still listening?

3 comments November 7, 2008